Sign On The Dotted Line…..

MAY 22, TUESDAY, 2012

I was 40 when diagnosed. January 2005-turned 40, February start getting really ill, March 2005-my diagnosis. A big year for me. The doctors said I would be dead in 2 weeks, and IF I survived I would be in a coma in 2 years. [It’s been 7 years now].

Remember I said I repeated many tests? One of them I call “the clock” test. They [the doctors] had me draw a circle [the outside of the clock] then the numbers in the right spots…the first one was near perfect, the second one was…..I guess it looked warped. Now I can’t even sign my name, I do an “X”. How sad. I never imagined I would be signing my name with an “X”. I can barely do that. It’s a big production when I do.

The Envelope, Please......

 MAY 12, SATURDAY  2012
I was reminded…

  “IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY, THE ONLY WAY
YOU COULD STOP YOUR HEAD FROM TURNING BACK & FORTH WAS TO LITERALLY HOLD IT STILL.  I DID NOTICE YOUR VOICE CHANGE WHEN I FIRST VISITED YOU.  THERE WAS NO FLEXION IN YOUR SPEECH…”-AUNT

Another Aunt told me ‘when you feel your head go back and forth, try to move your head up and down’ [like a nod or a yes indicator]. ‘maybe that will stop it.’ That worked.

Finally, my Oncologist had a diagnosis for me, for us. If I remember right my Parents were there, me on a gernie, one of my sisters and her husband. All in the same room. [and the doctor]

He says, as he clears his throat and looks my direction, “You have a carcinoma,” I’m thinking ‘Ya, a carcinoma, soo’ [I had no clue carcinoma meant Cancer. I probably had a blonde moment, no offence to blondes. As my Aunt would say…I pulled an Ethel, it’s another story, never mind]. He continued,”We think it’s Ovarian, Stage 4.” In my mind ‘What is stage, so stage 4, big deal.’[Never heard those terms. The only word I understood was Ovarian].